Friday, August 26, 2005

Office code

I have just returned from our office cafeteria, where I heard the following exchange:

Sandwich maker: How are you?

Customer: It's Friday.

Anyone who has worked in an office setting has heard this refrain countless times. From elevators and cubicles to water coolers and subways, the comment "It's Friday" is as common as the faulty printer.

Just once, when someone is asked, "How are you?" I'd like that person to respond with, "It's Friday. This means that the misery-laden chasm of despair also known as my life is so utterly hopeless that I live for two days. However, when you think about it, Sunday is spent thinking about work. So, I really only live for one day, or 14 percent of the week. Now you're probably just as suicidal as I am."

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I could be a cheesy television personality

Somewhere in Florida, an anchorman must be opening a newscast with:

Floridians are not walking on sunshine this evening as Katrina and the waves bear down on the southeast coast of the state.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Telling it like it is

In a piece on The New Republic Online today, Spencer Ackerman wrote:

In a speech to a Utah audience, President Bush again lied to the American people yesterday about Iraq's precarious political situation, dishonestly stating, "All of Iraq's main ethic and religious groups are working together on this vital project."